Being that I’m in college, as well as a lot of the people who read this, this post goes to us. The poor. The wretched. The abused. Actually, it goes to anyone who’s feeling a little tight on cash and would like to utilize their money to it’s maximum potential at any number of all-you-can-eat style resteraunts. Some of the stuff you read here is shocking, humorous, or illegal. With that in mind, I am not responsible for anything you do with this information.

The “Pre-Eat”: This is one inspired by my brother, who in his own respect should be revered as a master of college life. This is the man who had us eat using utensils taken in a fury from local resteraunts, someone who taught me the wonders and majesty of Krystal’s “Gut-Bomb Challenge”, Johnny prepared me for college in a way. His is by far the most legitimate (and legal) of all of the solutions in this post. It’s called the Pre-Eat. The concept is simple, and works more than you’d think. Simply eat something small before going to the resteraunt, so when you get there, your metabolism is in full gear and ready to process food as soon as it gets hold of it. It’ll take longer to get full since some of the food will digest while you’re shoveling more in.

“The Linger”: This is one of mine, and it only works at really laid-back places (or places where you can tip the server to leave you alone about it). Once again, totally simple: Just don’t leave. Go for breakfast, leave after dinner. When asked why you’ve been there for so long without getting more food, just say that you came to conduct some business at their fine establishment. If the words “fine establishment” don’t make the manager swell with pride, also explain that you couldn’t afford to get barbecue-sauce on your finest suit. Your companions are also suggested to explain that it is casual-Friday/Tuesday/whichever day you’re there in their workplaces. Finally, if all else fails, say that it is part of a religious fasting that just happened to start in the middle of your meal, and that your god is a mighty and vengeful god who will smite everyone in the resteraunt if you were to resume eating.

Making Room: This one has been employed by my friend Max several times. It is one of the oldest buffet-conservation tactics known to man: The Bathroom. This can be very handy when coupled with the Linger.

Cuppin’: This is a personal favorite of mine, but it requires a degree of luck and shadyness to pull off. If the cups in the resteraunt are paper cups with lids, you are golden. Once Max and I ordered some pasta from Hi-Way’s all-you-can-eat pasta dinner, and once full, we requested another order, which was prompty put into our recently-emptied cups, covered with a lid/straw, and smuggled outside into our fridges for snacks later. This can work in almost any place, especially college places. Shady? yes. Delicious? Moreso.

We actually did something similar to this at a QuakerSteak wing-nite. I had everyone in our group order the same flavor, and smuggled them out in a take-home container that I convinced the waitress to let me have. We ended up getting like 30some wings, which turned out to be a pretty good present to give to someone

In this fast-paced world, we have to squeeze every penny. Money’s tight, we’re all poor, inflation is rampant, and the eternally-celebrated all-you-can-eat buffet is the only thing that we can have to look forward to in our pitiful lives. So I urge all of you, young and old, fat and thin, to go out, and utilize these great pastures crafted by God to their full extent.

All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy. All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.
No sleep, no peace, and a handful of unresolvable problems make Tim feel awful.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I feel like absolutely nothing is staring back at me. The dark circles just serve to remind me that whatever I’m facing, I’m losing against.

…

“You can’t do this forever.”

…

Yeah, I know, but I don’t know what to do anymore =/

Might as well explain last semester while I’m up. It’ll be quick, but I’m going to go over the important parts.

Group Speech: This is it, the dreaded CAS 100b: Effective Group Speech. This was my favorite class this semester. It’s taught by a laid-back californian grad student named Brett. The whole purpose of the course is to get you working in small groups (IST is all about group management). There’s so much I can say about my group, the Fightin’ Clams. We consisted of Me, Mike (a govvie!), Steve, Kyle, Caleb, and Andy. I won’t go into the nuances of everyone but I have to say a lot happened. Andy didn’t show up for anything, yet we still wrote parts of his speech for him and nagged him to come do it. We almost kicked him out like 3 times. Mike came out of his shell, so to speak. He went from a quiet guy to a good friend of the group as the semester proceeded. Kyle and Steve both worked hard and had awesome personalities that meshed well with everyone. Then there was Caleb. I have a lot of stories about Caleb, things I wouldn’t dare put on here, things that would shock and horrify you. He’s an interesting character to say in the least . Sharp as a knife, but interesting. Ask me in person sometime.

So yeah, our group had to do speeches (usually about 20 minutes) on IST-related subjects. We also had to collaborate for group papers in IST110, and a video for the technology facet. Once the rest of my site goes live, you’ll be able to view it, meet the group, learn a lot, and even laugh a little. I’m amazed at how successful we were during the semester. We overcame a lot of trouble too, we definitely grew. I think the biggest thing I drew from 110/100b was how to be a better leader. I learned so much about facilitating progress within a group of rigidly-define individuals without neglecting anyone (at least I hope so). My group was probably some of my best friends that semester, and I’d like to think we’re all still close. Grade: A.

Well, that was my academic year, now for some of the highlights of my non-academic time here